Control Checklist

Check off specifically which ways your partner used to, or continues to, intimidate or control you:

Isolation

Restricting Freedoms:

• tells you that you can not do something

• jealous about who you see

• monitors your time, makes you account where you were

• does not allow you to leave the house

• makes it difficult for you to get a job

• restricts your use of the car

• tries to prevent you from contacting family

• alienates you from family and friends

• turns children against you

• keeps you from getting medical care

• withholds affection to punish you

• tries to turn people against you

Male privilege

• demands like you were a servant

• makes decisions without your input

• treats you like you were inferior

• tells you you can’t cope without him

• treats you like a child

Economic abuse

• makes you account for all the money spent

• keeps you short of money

• makes you ask for basic necessities

• undermines your attempts to improve your education

• undermines your attempts to get or keep a job

• controls the money

• makes you ask for money

• refuses to give you money

• makes all major decisions about money without consulting you

• spends money only on things he wants

Sexual Abuse

• withholds sex to punish you

• pressures you to have sex

• forces you to have sex against yor will

• pressures you to have sex after being abused

• pressures or forces you into unwanted sex acts

• treats you like a sex object

• inflicts pain on you during sex

Threats and Psychological Abuse

Threatens to:

• turn people against you

• leave the relationship

• see someone else

• take children away from you

• leave you short of money

• come after you if you leave

• have you committed to an institution

• hurt or kill you and/or the children

• hurt or kill himself/herself

• blames you for his/her problems

• drives your car in a frightening way

• have someone else kill you, your family, friends, etc.

Anger and Intimidation

By:

• changing his mood suddenly

• giving silent treatment

• demonstrating anger

• shouting or yelling

• pounding fist on table

• hitting the wall

• throwing or kicking something

• stomping out of room/house

Physical Abuse

• throws something at you

• pushes, grabs or shoves you

• pulls your hair

• twists your arm

• pins you to wall, floor, bed

• chokes you

• kicks, hits or punches you

• hits or tries to hit you with something

• threatens you with a knife, gun, or other weapon

• tries to run you down with car

• physically and/or sexually abuses children

• kills pets

• deprives you of sleep

Emotional Abuse

• says things to spite or insult you in front of others

• puts down your physical appearance

• makes out that you are stupid

• criticizes your care of children/home

• calls you names and swears at you

• tells you you are crazy/irrational

• accuses you of having an affair

• ridicules family or friends

• does not show concern for children’s needs or concerns

• gets angry when children cry or make demands

• goes through personal things, ie. Purse, drawers, pockets

• frightens children’s friends so they stop coming over

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